2019 goals and resolutions

The grass isn't always greener on the other side; sometimes you just have to water the side you're already on...

For me, 2018 was a growth year.  It was full of feelings I hadn't been expecting, it was a little messy in parts, but it was also a year that I am so thankful for.  After a rocky few months, November and December was a period of transition for me; I cut out the toxicity that I had clinged to for years, closed the chapters that no longer needed writing, and had the breakthrough I never knew I needed.  I started to believe in myself. 

I love this blog, and what started as a creative outlet from the 9 to 5 life has slowly turned in to possibly my biggest passion.  I've always loved writing, and having the opportunity to start turning this in to my career is feeling like a dream come true.  I still have a long way to go, but having the confidence in myself and my abilities, to go part time at my office job and pursue this, is huge for me.  A year ago, I would tell anyone who said I could do this that they had lost their mind. I had no faith in my own creativity and spent my whole time criticising my content.  But something clicked late in 2018, and I realised I could do this. Having something that you can turn in to a career but that you also enjoy immensely, can be very overwhelming but I am grateful for where 2018 has led me and for teaching me to believe in, not just myself but also, my little corner of the internet.

Aside from Oh Six Eleven, 2018 has also taught me so much about myself.  I have learnt to find joy in the simplest of things; gossiping with friends over a bottle or two of Sauvignon Blanc in the local Italian restaurant, a big ol' mug of tea and a new pair of chenille socks for a cosy evening in, singing along to my favourite song on the radio.  I have learnt to live in the moment and not base my happiness on a day in the future that is yet to happen. I have learnt to be content with the baby steps I am taking in my life, that there is no rush; good things take time, sometimes days, weeks, months, even years.  2018 taught me about self worth, love, true friendship, made me see just how much I love my circle of friends and the closeness of my family.

At the start of '18,  I was going to publish a post talking about how I'd recently turned 25 and that I knew exactly how to get through my quarter life crisis.  But then I realised I had no idea.  I started to feel all these different emotions and fears, feeling inadequate, like I was falling behind to my peers.  I felt like everyone else had their shit together, and then there was me stuck in an almighty rut.

If there's one thing the last year has made me realise, it's that I did not need to have my shit together.  I still don't.  To me, there is no such thing.  As life goes on and your journey continues, there is always going to be obstacles, ups and downs, trials and tribulations. "Shit Together" isn't a destination I'm heading for any time soon, rather I'm just learning how to really enjoy the journey...

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So what do I want from the rest of my 20s, in 2019 and beyond? 
I want to see more of the world; different continents, different cultures.
I want to buy a house, or maybe a flat, depending on how my career goes and what I can afford.  At the rate I'm going, having just booked flights to Toronto and New York, I'm looking at a Wendy house with no electricity.
I want to take this blog further than my circa March '17 heart ever thought it could go when I hit that sign up button.
I want to continue to grow as a person and make sure I am always true to myself.  One thing I struggled with earlier in my 20s was feeling like I had to fit a mould, I didn't admit the things I love because I thought I was meant to love something else.  I tried to be what people wanted me to be, until I realised that I should just be myself.  And I like me, I think I'm pretty cool (only sort of kidding), and I think I am a good person.  I am a good friend, a good daughter, a good sister.
I want to love myself again.  I used to breeze through life with a confidence like no other; people used to even ask me how I was so confident.  Over the last year or so, I've lost that confidence.  It was nobody's fault, it was just something I had to go through.  I'm going to learn to love myself again.

But most of all, I want to be happy. I want to continue doing the things I love; losing myself in a moment of live music or a good book, hopping on a plane and exploring somewhere new with my best friends, saying "yes" to crazy ideas and new opportunities, spending time with my amazing family who are always there to be my cheerleaders, and working my socks off to turn this blog in to something I can be proud of. I want to always believe in myself, because I wish I had all along.

So, to answer the question in the post title.... this isn't a new me, just a better version of me, the me I've hoped to be for a long time.

If you have something you love and that you want to pursue, I'll set you this one challenge - start believing in yourself - it's the best thing I've done this last year.

Cheers to the new year, and cheers to us.  I have a feeling it's going to be a good one...

Thanks for stopping by,