London, UK

Finding my Self Confidence with Hunkemoller

Disclaimer: this post is in collaboration with Hunkemoller but all writing and views are my own. 

I used to think confidence meant being confident in your physical appearance, but as I’ve journeyed through my early 20s, I’ve come to realise that it is so much deeper than just the way you see yourself physically. Confidence can be defined in different ways for different people, but I wanted to share how I am learning to find my self confidence and hopefully help others do the same!
Finding my self confidence

Learning to Love My Body 

My relationship with body image and the impact that my perception of my body has had on my confidence has been a roller coaster ride. When I was in my late teens and early 20s, I was very confident with my body.  I was bigger than my friends, but I loved having big lips, big boobs and a big bum. I loved my legs and I'd accentuate my waist whenever I could.  But it was as I reached my mid 20s that I realised I was basing my opinion of myself and my body too much on the opinion of the opposite sex.  Do I love my boobs because guys love my boobs? Am I accentuating my waist because guys love an hourglass figure? Do I love my body? I started to realise that my confidence came from the attention my body received, and whilst that was a perfectly valid reason to feel confident, it stopped working for me and my self confidence plummeted.  If anyone needed to love my body, it was myself.  

And this is where I struggled for a year or so, because I thought I had to look a certain way.  I thought the only way I would love and feel confident in my body is if my body was my idea of "perfect" (cue looking at unrealistic expectations on our good old friend Instagram) and because my body wasn't "perfect" of course my confidence was nearly non-existent. But perfection does not exist and I'm slowly learning to love my body in all of it's forms; I am exercising to be healthier and not to lose weight, I am eating my greens and drinking plenty of water so I feel good on the inside as well as the outside. I still want to change my body, but I am going to love it in the process. I can be confident with my body even if there's things I want to change. 

When it comes to body confidence, I’ve learnt that it is not an overnight success but that  the littlest of things can do wonders for my confidence; from having a nice set of matching underwear, jeans that fit perfectly on my bum, finding the right shade of foundation, getting my eyebrows threaded. This gorgeous bra is from Hunkemoller, who have a beautiful range of bra’s for boobs of all sizes. Wearing matching lingerie under your outfit can be a great confidence boost, even when it might only be yourself that sees it, it just makes you feel good! I often have the “my underwear matches today, so this means I have my life together” joke with my friends but it is fascinating how something that simple can actually make you feel more certain of yourself. Whilst I was expecting my confidence to miraculously appear one morning, I am enjoying this process of the little things slowly making me feel good about myself. 

Another thing that has inhibited my self confidence in the past, is my apprehension to say that I love my body. I think we are often afraid to admit that we think we look good, for fear of being labelled vain or narcissistic.  When I took the photos for this blog post, I considered not posting any of me as I thought it may come across as arrogant, but it shouldn’t. It’s my body and as much as I complain about it, I love it and I am empowered by it, and if I want to post it on my little internet space, I can. 
Finding my self confidence

Learning to Love My Mind 

Whilst learning to love your body is a significant part of finding your self confidence, learning to love your mind is just as important.

I think hiding our emotions sometimes comes from lack of confidence. I know it has affected me in the past. I’ve not told people how I’ve felt about them or about a situation, purely because I did not feel confident enough. And this is not just confidence in myself physically, but confidence in my abilities to handle criticism or rejection, or even a different opinion. Over the last few months, my confidence on being able to express my thoughts and feelings without the doubt of “Can I handle the fall out from this?” has provided me with better conversations, clearer relationships and probably most important of all, more happiness and contentment. A lot of my anxiety in the past has stemmed from not having the confidence to say no to or disagree with someone, as I didn’t want to upset or offend, but when you stop faking a smile and let people know you are feeling differently toward a situation, you feel 10x more confident in yourself and your emotions.

My confidence has often hit a wall when I’ve been dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. I’ve found this year that living in and embracing the present has been so beneficial.  I think it is important to have goals to work towards, both in career and life, but it’s also important to live your life for today, not just tomorrow. Quit worrying about what has happened in the past; not sure if you’ve heard but time travel isn’t a thing yet so if you can’t change it, move on.

One of the greatest ways that I have found to boost my self confidence over the last few months, is exploring and expressing my interests and my aspirations. As a blogger, I often wouldn’t tell people when I first met them that I only work part-time in an office and the rest of my time is spent creating content as, with any profession, people had their preconceived ideas of what your work entails. But lately, I’ve been loud and proud about the fact I love being a blogger, I love writing and I love the opportunities this industry has opened up for me.  I lacked confidence when I first started blogging, because I was scared to tell anyone what I wanted to achieve. I knew (and I still know) that the places I want to reach were more than realistic to get to, but my lack of confidence came from the fear of someone else telling me that my aspirations were impractical or unattainable. I’m slowly learning that I don’t need to seek approval from others for my dreams and goals in life; yes, in some aspects it is hugely beneficial to get a second opinion, but I have learnt to trust myself and my ideas and I’m finding the confidence to go for what I want. 
Finding my self confidence

Recognising My Strengths & Acknowledging My Weaknesses 

Quite similarly to how we don’t always like to admit when we think we look good, I feel as though as lot of us struggle with being able to say what we are good at, but having the ability to recognise your strengths and then use these attributes could boost your confidence massively.  I became much more self-assured when I started to acknowledge my skills, and didn’t just rely on someone else telling me what they thought I could do well. I always hated that task in job applications of "how would your friends describe you"; I think it's more important to think about how you would describe yourself and knowing what makes you the incredible person you are. When you're feeling a little uncertain of yourself, take a moment to write down some positive words about who you are and what you are good at.

As important as it is to recognise your strengths, it is just as important to acknowledge your weaknesses. I have become the first to admit when I’m not sure if I can handle a situation, that I may not be physically fit enough or that I don’t have the skills to do the task at hand. But admitting your weaknesses and where you need help and improvement, is hugely rewarding and such a confidence boost. Even if you fail, trying in the first place and proving to yourself that you are willing to work at something new will send your confidence levels soaring. Being confident means you are not afraid of failure, but instead see it as a learning curve and a necessary step toward finding success.

Once you accept yourself for everything you are, and everything you are not, you will start to find your confidence and success will eventually follow. Because if anyone needs to believe in you, it is yourself.

And I know what you're thinking "easier said than done, Nai" which is true, it is so much easier but that doesn't mean confidence in ourselves is something that we can't all achieve. What we all have to remember is that it likely won't happen overnight, it's a process, it's part of growing. And it is more than okay to grow slowly. Fall in love with the process of becoming the best, most confident version of YOU.

Tips for Confidence

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Thanks for stopping by, 

6 comments

  1. Absolutely wonderful post full of major TRUTH! I've also realized that being confident is so much more than accepting your personal appearance. Once I started focusing on what I love about my personality and how I impact other people, I started feeling so beautiful. I love your blog theme and the photos in this post are stunning! So glad I found your blog. :)

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  2. I love this post! I can really relate to the one about being confident in what boys think of you, but the opposite for me. I have zero curves so I’d always been self conscious that boys wouldn’t like my body and therefore had no confidence. But once I realised that it was all about me liking my own body and not how others perceived it I felt so much better, particularly as my boyfriend likes my body too! I never really thought about being confident with your own mind too but it’s so true what you have written. Great advice!

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  3. This post is amazing! I definitely can relate in what men think of you, I feel really self conscious as I think I don't look good enough or there may be something wrong with me! I love the bra as well! xx

    Lucy | www.lucymary.co.uk

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  4. The bra is gorgeous!
    My confidence wavers so much on my mood in a day and how overwhelmed I am feeling! I often find myself using props to feel more confident - such as holding a drink in my hand whether that be a cup of coffee or a bottle of water instantly makes me feel more confident and vocal.

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  5. Love this post.. I’m still learning to love my body.

    Absolutely in love with the bra too!

    Hollie | ‪www.lifewithmytrio.com‬

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